The other day I was listening to a podcast about mental health in schools. The podcaster talked about the mental health crisis in schools and some things that can be done about it. He believes, as do I, that schools need more mental healthcare professionals on campuses. He talks about the benefits of parents connecting with their kids and knowing what is going on in the lives of their kids. The benefits of medicine are discussed. I agree with all of that. Sometimes people need medication as a short-term reboot or as a life-long care. I absolutely believe that our campuses need more support for the mental health of our students. As a high school counselor, I do not have the time or resources to be able to address a fraction of the mental health issues with which my students struggle. The need for parents to make an intentional effort to connect with their children is epic. There is absolutely a time for medication, but there are also other strategies that can be tried before that time arrives.
While listening to this podcast, while I agreed with what was said, I felt like there was something missing. In my office I talk with students on a daily basis about depression, stress, and anxiety. I hear about suicide ideation on a weekly basis, if not daily. Our kids are struggling! To be honest, our adults are struggling too. Anxiety, depression and stress are at an all-time high. Google it. It’s true. Why? What is causing this level of mental health issues? I haven’t conducted any studies or done copious amounts research. I don’t really feel like I need to. I am in the field, sometimes down in the trenches with our students.
It will come as no surprise, or it shouldn’t, when I say that I believe that “Access” is the number one contributor to the crisis we are facing. I would say social media, but I believe it is even bigger than that. Our children, as young as toddlers playing on iPads, have access to the internet. The internet allows our children to access information 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Anytime. Anything. It is a double-edged sword. I love being able to “Google” things anytime I have a question or want more information about something. Curious minds of children and teens can allow them to see things and learn things that can be detrimental to their well being and cannot be unseen or unlearned. That is where parenting comes in. The word parent is a noun AND a VERB. A VERB is an action word. In the instance of parent, it would be “the act of being a parent, to parent, to be parenting”. ACTION. That means we are doing something as parents to teach, protect, nurture, encourage and all of the things that it takes to raise children in a healthy environment.
I believe that the reversal of the mental-health epidemic that we are experiencing starts in the home. (I do believe that there are mental illnesses that are not caused by access to the internet or social media. Absolutely. Those that are hereditary or biological are not what I am addressing.) It is my belief, that children and teens should not have access to electronics for at least an hour before they go to bed until they are ready for school the next morning. Here are my reasons:- Our children/teens are not getting the sleep that they need. They are always attuned to when notifications go off on their phones, so they are sleeping more lightly and not getting the REM sleep that their minds and bodies need.
- Our children/teens are never “unplugged” when they have access during the night. There is never a “down” moment where they aren’t able to access what others are doing/posting/saying and how they can respond; or to check how many likes or comments they have received on their own posts.
- In the middle of the night, inhibitions are lowered. Lack of sleep will allow people to engage in conversations and activities that wouldn’t normally be considered.
Will your child/teen be happy with you when you institute this new way of life? Not outwardly, and definitely not at first. You may experience an episode that makes you wonder if your son or daughter has been possessed by Satan. It’s okay. They may be mad at you and relentlessly badger you to go back to the old way of life. Don’t give in! It is very often that the right and best thing to do is the most difficult. I have had students in my office tell me that they wished their parents would do this and that they notice a difference in how they feel when they are on “phone restriction”. Stay the course. Over time, you will notice a more relaxed, confident and engaged version of your child/teen. Isn’t it at least worth a try if it could make a significant difference in your child/teen’s life? Give it a month trial run and keep track of the progress that is made and the changes that you see. Talk to your children about the reasons behind the decision and ask them about the differences that they notice when they are unplugged at night and getting better sleep. I would wager that there will only be positive results.
Also note, before instituting this new way of life, you may need to dig out that old alarm clock or buy a new one. One of the favorite arguments used against parents is, “I need my phone (or whatever device) to listen to music to fall asleep.” Viola! Alarm clock radio! They may need to be taught how to tune into their new favorite radio station and how to set the alarm clock.
Stay Strong Parents!!!
Please let me know how it goes or if you need extra support in instituting the unplugged at night lifestyle.
